Domestic and family violence does not just leave physical marks. One of its most lasting and least talked about impacts is what it does to a person’s confidence. Their self-worth, their trust in their own judgement, their sense of who they are. In this episode of Rise and Reclaim, Jo Mason is joined by Mel, a confidence and communication expert, and Tess, a victim-survivor and powerful advocate, to explore what it really means to rebuild confidence after DFV. How to get there, one step at a time.
Warm, practical, and full of wisdom, this episode will make you feel less alone and more hopeful about the road ahead.
In this episode:
- How DFV erodes confidence slowly over time and why it does not simply return when the relationship ends
- Why rebuilding confidence is not about becoming a different person but reconnecting with who you always were
- Jo’s personal experience of rebuilding confidence step by step after leaving her DFV situation
- The power of journaling and looking back to see how far you have come
- Mel’s practical strategies for rebuilding confidence including self-care, micro-resets, hobbies, and the love file
- How to identify subtle signs that your confidence has been affected, including diminishing language, over-apologising, and comparisonitis
- Tess’s extraordinary story from struggling to buy a dishwasher to standing in front of 500 people as a speaker and facilitator
- Why it is okay to wobble and why asking for support is a sign of strength
- How to challenge negative thoughts that were programmed into you during the relationship
- The importance of setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and investing in yourself
- How to support someone else who is rebuilding their confidence after DFV
Key tips from this episode:
- Be kind to yourself: Focus on what you have control over, not what you do not
- Prioritise self-care: Even five minutes a day doing something that brings you joy makes a difference
- Start a love file: Collect kind words, compliments, and nice messages for the days when you need a reminder of your worth
- Rediscover what brought you joy: If you cannot remember, think back to what you loved as a child
- Journal: Not just to get things out, but to look back and see your own progress
- Notice your glimmer moments: The small sparks of joy that are easy to overlook but worth savouring
- The only response to a compliment is thank you: You do not have to believe it yet, but practice saying it
- Name your inner critic: Give them a name, picture them, and tell them to leave
- Stop comparing yourself to others: The only meaningful comparison is you today versus you before
- Set small goals: They do not have to be big. Getting to the letterbox counts
- Set boundaries: This is one of the most important acts of self-care and confidence you can practice
- Practice self-compassion: You are going to have wobbly days. That is not failure. That is recovery
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Lasagna Love: Request a free lasagna or donate one to someone in need at lasagnalove.org
How to Fail with Elizabeth Day: A podcast recommended by Mel, available on all major podcast platforms
A note for listeners:
This episode covers topics related to domestic and family violence and its emotional and psychological impact. Please take care of yourself as you listen. If anything comes up for you, support is available.
1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732 | 1800respect.org.au | Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
About Verdella:
Rise and Reclaim is proudly brought to you by Verdella, an online domestic violence recovery program that walks alongside people as they rebuild their lives after DFV. Available free to participants through licensed workplaces and community service organisations.
Visit: verdella.com.au to find out more.
Connect with WorkHaven:
Subscribe and follow Rise and Reclaim so you do not miss future episodes. And if this podcast has resonated with you, please share it; you never know who might need to hear it.